Saturday, March 26, 2005
so tired of standing alone.
i realised soo many things today.went to lydia's blog just now.after reading her post.i thot i mite as well hop over to yiyuan's blog and take a look.i staretd to reflect back one all the petty things that i did over the years and i feel so guilt-ridden.im soo sorry.
[yiyuan]i noe no amount of apology would actually erase away all the hurt that i haf inflicted on u.im sorry for anything that i haf done and everything that i haven done, but shld haf done.i noe i haf failed thoroughly as a fren.im sorry.i guess i never saw u as a normal human being who wld actually be hurt over and over agn and not complain to anyone.u nv striked me as a depressed sort of person.u sae u put up a facade.and im sorry dat i nv tried to peel away that exterior and look further in and try to understand u.im soooo sorry.i really hope u noe dat there are people who luvs u.
im starting to hate myself as a person.i realised i did many things dat people would deem selfish and consider a failure.i feel so crushed...so defeated.its like the world is about to cum crashing down on me. and seemingly take away everything that i luved.
[
you]i thot u wld haf sensed that i wasnt myself.but den, u didnt.i dun fault u.i just wished, sumtimes dat u wld be less cold.
but i noe that not all wishes cum true.life is just that cruel.humans do lie.and no matter how hard ppl try to get me to believe in christanity.life wld always show me a different stand.i duno wad to believe anymore.
yet i noe, suicide is not an easy escape.its not a solution, its just a way of showing that ppl are trying to run away from their troubles.i dun wana die.i haf so much to do.and yiyuan, i hope u wun too.
i want brand new start but i noe i cant haf it.
sumtimes i think frens are a lie too.im soo sorry.
::zhixinLOVESyou.
